Writing 101: Day (Unknown) The Formal Letter

Dear Ignorant Soul,

I hope this letter finds you shaking at the knees, as you can probably feel the searing heat radiating from the words you are about to read.

Who gives live creatures, which need specialized care, to a young child?  Did it NOT occur to you that the child can’t even reach the top of the habitat to be able to feed or care for the creatures you so generously gifted?

I can answer these questions for you with one word- NO! They can’t reach the top of the aquarium…Neither can I!  They can’t reach the top of the terrarium, either.  Frankly, I am surprised these creatures are still alive. Your ignorant choices in gift-giving could be considered a fatal mistake and PETA should be notified so they can stop you, and others like you, from the impending murders of future innocent creatures!

Do I look like Mrs. Doolittle (Dr. Doolittle’s wife, incase you didn’t know?) If you hadn’t noticed, I hardly have time to clean my own “habitat”, let alone the habitats of green tree frogs, anoles, some clown fish and a coral reef. And who knew? They live a lot longer than the little habitat plaques describe at PetsMart.

I guess I should stop assaulting you with your own stupidity and ignorance and approach this burden with a little more grace.

So, THANK YOU for the beautiful terrarium and bright green tree frog who I have grown to truly appreciate and love.  Her name is TreeKa and her friend, the Anole lizard who resides with her, is named Ninj-quick (obviously named by a little boy.) My days are filled with all the more sanity as I care for and chat with these reptilian-amphibians (who do actually look at me when I address them, which is more than I can say for my own human children most of the time!)

As for the amazing saltwater aquarium, I am also grateful.  It’s really as though you were giving these outstanding and elaborate gifts strait to ME!  Thank you!  Now that I finally broke down and performed a water change, I am feeling better about the many hours I spend caring for this marine ecosystem.  It’s been a steep learning curve, however, I think I’ve got it down.

Gifts that give and give and give: that’s what we have here! Now I realize how blessed I am and it’s all because of your beautifully ignorant generosity.  I apologize for my harsh and ungrateful judgements towards your immense gifting abilities. No need to carry your guilt any further.

I may not have time to take a shower, however, I now have my very own special miniature biopark right here in my home. This mini biopark far exceeds my wildest dreams! Never again will I be bored and with nothing to do. NEVER AGAIN.

Most Sincerely,

Greta, THE Zookeeper

17 Comments

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  1. tabitha59reachingout September 19, 2015 — 11:15 AM

    Very entertaining letter. Thanks 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Interesting…After reading and rereading your post and before i scrolled down I was thinking about your learning curve and then (after scrolling down) i see I wasn’t the only one! And I as a young mother (way back when) gave in and bought Jamie (6 y/o at the time) a guinea pig (She named her Tina Pig) which triggered her asthma…How would I have known?? Jamie still loves me and loves to tell stories about Tina Pig…

    https://minick1943.wordpress.com/2015/09/18/writing-101-10-if-we-were-having-morning-coffee

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Charge admission and make a few bucks. There’s always a bright side . . . Or maybe that’s the opportune capitalist in me?

    Liked by 1 person

  4. This is wonderful Greta ~ I think you have inherited a very steep learning curve:)

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Wow 😲 what expensive and exotic gifts. Like a white elephant 🐘 the gift that keeps taking.

    Liked by 1 person

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